Oh what tangled webs we weave….
….When we first practice to deceive. I wove a web of my own in the recent past. Unwittingly, while trying to do the honorable thing, while trying to, in my own (perhaps convoluted) way, to safeguard interests of other parties involved. Unfortunately, what ended up happening was that a web was woven, and a fairly intricate one at that. It consisted mainly of secrets, guilt, confusion, bad vibes, misplaced trust, suspicion, and finally, wariness. Yes, all-in-all, quite unpleasant.
And then someone snapped a cord. One of the arms of the web was brutally snapped, and everything came tumbling down. Like a house of cards. One card after another, till all that remained of the pretty little house was a stack of cards, lying haphazardly on the table. Then came the unpleasant job of picking up the pieces. One at a time, slowly, carefully, painstakingly. Till I forced myself to remember why the web had been woven in the first place. It was to cover up mistakes various people had made, to protect other people, to safeguard their interests. And at that moment I decided I didn’t need to do that anymore. I was so sick of trying to balance and juggle- trying to keep all the balls up in the air, and feeling miserable when I dropped a single ball…. Enough!
That’s the state of calm. The state in which you tell yourself to f*** it! It’s really not worth it in the end. Sometimes, it’s important to know when to let go, when to identify something as a lost cause. And when to start thinking of yourself as a separate identity and not a part of the whole mess. “I” is important. Not as important as “We” and “Us”, but when “We” and “Us” fall apart, all that remains is “I”. And it’s up to me to take care of it. At the end of the day everyone has to deal with their own shit, and these webs don’t do much, other than serve as convenient mirages we use as our smokescreens. And when the smoke is blown away, the nakedness is starker than before.
So I’ve decided that we can all stand naked and let the chips fall where they may….Cheers to that!
And then someone snapped a cord. One of the arms of the web was brutally snapped, and everything came tumbling down. Like a house of cards. One card after another, till all that remained of the pretty little house was a stack of cards, lying haphazardly on the table. Then came the unpleasant job of picking up the pieces. One at a time, slowly, carefully, painstakingly. Till I forced myself to remember why the web had been woven in the first place. It was to cover up mistakes various people had made, to protect other people, to safeguard their interests. And at that moment I decided I didn’t need to do that anymore. I was so sick of trying to balance and juggle- trying to keep all the balls up in the air, and feeling miserable when I dropped a single ball…. Enough!
That’s the state of calm. The state in which you tell yourself to f*** it! It’s really not worth it in the end. Sometimes, it’s important to know when to let go, when to identify something as a lost cause. And when to start thinking of yourself as a separate identity and not a part of the whole mess. “I” is important. Not as important as “We” and “Us”, but when “We” and “Us” fall apart, all that remains is “I”. And it’s up to me to take care of it. At the end of the day everyone has to deal with their own shit, and these webs don’t do much, other than serve as convenient mirages we use as our smokescreens. And when the smoke is blown away, the nakedness is starker than before.
So I’ve decided that we can all stand naked and let the chips fall where they may….Cheers to that!
posted by Mojo | 6:51 AM
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