Oh what tangled webs we weave….
….When we first practice to deceive. I wove a web of my own in the recent past. Unwittingly, while trying to do the honorable thing, while trying to, in my own (perhaps convoluted) way, to safeguard interests of other parties involved. Unfortunately, what ended up happening was that a web was woven, and a fairly intricate one at that. It consisted mainly of secrets, guilt, confusion, bad vibes, misplaced trust, suspicion, and finally, wariness. Yes, all-in-all, quite unpleasant.
And then someone snapped a cord. One of the arms of the web was brutally snapped, and everything came tumbling down. Like a house of cards. One card after another, till all that remained of the pretty little house was a stack of cards, lying haphazardly on the table. Then came the unpleasant job of picking up the pieces. One at a time, slowly, carefully, painstakingly. Till I forced myself to remember why the web had been woven in the first place. It was to cover up mistakes various people had made, to protect other people, to safeguard their interests. And at that moment I decided I didn’t need to do that anymore. I was so sick of trying to balance and juggle- trying to keep all the balls up in the air, and feeling miserable when I dropped a single ball…. Enough!
That’s the state of calm. The state in which you tell yourself to f*** it! It’s really not worth it in the end. Sometimes, it’s important to know when to let go, when to identify something as a lost cause. And when to start thinking of yourself as a separate identity and not a part of the whole mess. “I” is important. Not as important as “We” and “Us”, but when “We” and “Us” fall apart, all that remains is “I”. And it’s up to me to take care of it. At the end of the day everyone has to deal with their own shit, and these webs don’t do much, other than serve as convenient mirages we use as our smokescreens. And when the smoke is blown away, the nakedness is starker than before.
So I’ve decided that we can all stand naked and let the chips fall where they may….Cheers to that!
And then someone snapped a cord. One of the arms of the web was brutally snapped, and everything came tumbling down. Like a house of cards. One card after another, till all that remained of the pretty little house was a stack of cards, lying haphazardly on the table. Then came the unpleasant job of picking up the pieces. One at a time, slowly, carefully, painstakingly. Till I forced myself to remember why the web had been woven in the first place. It was to cover up mistakes various people had made, to protect other people, to safeguard their interests. And at that moment I decided I didn’t need to do that anymore. I was so sick of trying to balance and juggle- trying to keep all the balls up in the air, and feeling miserable when I dropped a single ball…. Enough!
That’s the state of calm. The state in which you tell yourself to f*** it! It’s really not worth it in the end. Sometimes, it’s important to know when to let go, when to identify something as a lost cause. And when to start thinking of yourself as a separate identity and not a part of the whole mess. “I” is important. Not as important as “We” and “Us”, but when “We” and “Us” fall apart, all that remains is “I”. And it’s up to me to take care of it. At the end of the day everyone has to deal with their own shit, and these webs don’t do much, other than serve as convenient mirages we use as our smokescreens. And when the smoke is blown away, the nakedness is starker than before.
So I’ve decided that we can all stand naked and let the chips fall where they may….Cheers to that!
posted by Mojo | 6:51 AM
8 Comments:
No one can disagree with that.
I hope you will do well!
Love-Peace-Happiness ((((hugs))))
Anonymous (Nameless A**h***)
"Let the chips fall where they may" - Well said.
An outsider's feedback - the blog seems to be written for people who are in tune with what's going on with your life and who are the people in it. There are too many references to other people without any elaboration, making it difficult to relate to what you write. In the end one is left thinking what exactly happened here? Who did what to whom?
If you need a hug, just ask...>:D<
Illusions and Anonymous: Thank you :)
PS: The blog was written in that way to protect identities, and to focus on the forest, not the trees. Does it make more sense now?
a very brave post...reflection like when one gets in touch with something old, lost inside...like a sweet chilhood remembrance, pure, unspoilt
If you need a hug, just ask...>:D<
MMm :(, I need a hug too...I don't know about the post :)
The nakedness is more penetrating when one realises how many prowling eyes witness it. While a few of us loose less the others loose from all quarters. So, when the chips fall into place the real looser is visible; which might not be the expected one. How about raising a toast to that.
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