Ex- Friend

I have wanted to write about this person for a few months now, but kept putting it off. I now know why. Because this is the right time and place for it. Things are clearer to me now than ever before, and I can articulate them as well.

This person was a bosom buddy. Though she had her faults, I always turned a blind eye to them in favour of her loyalty and supportive nature. We shared our lives and were close as close can be. But she wasn’t sorted. She was a drama queen, and seeking advice from her was always a case of the blind leading the blind. Her strategy would always be a complicated, conniving one, leading more often than not to blow-outs. Nothing was straight, and nothing was simple with her. She was and still is a whack-job, whipping up dramas when they don't exist. She stirs things into messes when they are perfectly orderly.
She also had a vivid imagination, wherein she’d imagine complicated strategies being hatched, of which she was the centre. The truth of course, was that noone really cared enough for things like that. She invented a life for herself, in her head, of words, not actions, and eventually all that came out was talk. The sad part is that I think she honestly believed all her fabrication. And I, I’m not happy to say, humoured her, and let her get away with it. Her friends affectionately called her “Psycho.”
She’d been single for a long time, and spoke about it as if it were the high road. Bullshit. She hated it. She hated it so much that she’d make up stories about various men who were interested in her, but far too chicken to do anything about it. Or men who would have snapped her up in a heartbeat, if only some other woman hadn’t paraded her stuff before him. Or men who were just dying to be with her, but oh, if only someone hadn’t poisoned their ears against her.
What really turned me off about her was the moral high horse she always rode. She used big words like ethics and morality, but at the end of the day, she was allowed to do all the things that she condemned in other people….as long as she didn’t get caught. She gave the term “two-faced” a completely different meaning. She’s raised the bar for all her fellow hypocrites. If, God forbid, she did get caught, (which happened often, as she wasn’t really very smart about it) she would defend her actions till the bitter end, and then promptly cut off all relations with the people who confronted her. She is an escapist and it makes me sad to see someone who could be so much, be so little.

I should have wondered what was going on when I realised that she had almost no friends left, because almost everyone had done something to annoy her, betray her, upset her, or offend her delicate sensibilities. I should have wondered why all the people around her seemed to be such assholes. The fault, I know now, lies not with them, but with her.

I wanted to tell her to grow up, to open her eyes and see the world for what it really was, not what she wanted it to be. To stop trying to create a dramatic situation of which she was always the centre. To act her age, and to get over herself. To not make men the centre of her universe, and to get herself a life, which everyone, the men included, would respect her for. To stop licking people’s boots to get them to like her. Unfortunately, I didn’t say any of those things to her, and still haven’t.
But now that things have gone sour between us, I can take a step back, let go of the affection I still felt for her, and say "Wow…what a bloody head case," and be glad I’ll never be the one to set her off again.